Forgive and Forget? Not as easy as it sounds...

To others this may not seem like a big deal, but I am full of frustration and fury this weekend.  Two years ago I had to get my tonsils removed.  Two months before my wedding I started to get really sick and horrible sore throats, so I went to my doctor.  I had tonsillitis.  I was in a lot of pain and constant pain with sore throats and cold-like symptoms, but I didn't have time to get them out and heal before the wedding.  We decided it would be best to wait until after the wedding while I was out of work and had plenty of time to heal.  We found a doctor on my insurance who could get my in fast and I had it done that July.  Well, LONG story short, two years later I am still having constant sore throats and other strange problems.  People didn't believe me when I said there seemed to be holes in my throat because food would get stuck in there when I ate food.  Finally my steadfast mama made me make an appointment with an ENT/reconstructive plastic surgeon and sure enough he looked at my throat and has a not so comforting reaction.  This was what he said, "wow!  You weren't kidding; you have little caves on either side of your throat!  I have NEVER seen anything like that before... who on earth was your doctor??"   ...Ya, not really the reaction you want to hear from your doctor.  I am SO angry and the man who botched my surgury and didn't even care to follow up with me after the countless phone calls from a mother, worried about the daughter who was sick for a month and a half and losing weight she doesn't have to lose.  I know in my heart I should just be happy that this new doctor feels confident that he can fix it, but all I can think about is the fact that I SHOULDN'T HAVE to have this surgery.  It should have been fixed TWO years ago, and now I have to pay $1000 to have HIS mistake fixed, not to mention the pain this second surgery is going to cause.
Maybe once I am all healed and feeling better I can forgive and forget, but for right now I just want to the last two weeks of colds, sore throats, infections, sickness and pain back.

Cookin up a storm!

well.... okay I'm not cooking up a storm. I'm just making chicken gravy on rice but to be fair it's Brian's favorite. I'm waiting for the water to start boiling and I have the rice in the rice cooker so obviously it is not a difficult meal to make, but I am already LOVING having a real kitchen. For a basement apartment my kitchen is luxury. For the past two years I've gotten used to having no oven, only enough counter space for a pan and a few of my appliances and a small stove top. Now I have a full oven, a HUGE fridge and TONS of cupboard and counter space. I am in heaven! I was starting dinner and I thought to myself, "I can only imagine what a chef feels like in a small kitchen. It must be so frustrating to feel like you don't have enough room for your creative juices to flow freely. Definitely limiting, like giving VanGogh a little kid's paint set and a piece of paper. You know which paint sets I'm talking about, the water colors that have all the circles of different colors that turn all brown and muddy after you've used it two or three times. I hope that having this kitchen I will be able to find my creativity with cooking and maybe even enjoy it a little! So far I can only do the basics but I DO love to bake and always have, so it is a really big deal to me that I now have an oven. No more having to run upstairs to use my Aunt's while hoping she's not planning a big dinner or anything. Can't wait to see what happens, maybe I'll bake a pie after dinner.
ps.... anyone know how long you're supposed to boil chicken? ;)

I love my mommy :)

So, It's Mother's Day weekend and I have been thinking about all of the many many reasons why I love my mom! So I thought I'd name just a few of the multiplicity of reasons, along with some wonderful facts about her.

1. She is always organized, even when the house is in chaos with everything going on. She let's her kids pull her in 100 different directions but she always remembers each kid's baseball games, dance recitals, piano lessons, band concerts, etc.
2. She is always there for me when I need advice. I can never make a big decision withough her input; somehow she just always has a solution. Especially when I overbook myself and can't figure out what to do, she always has the answers.
3. When she laughs really hard, her face turns red and she cries.
4. She doesn't know how beautiful she is, but people always compliment her and tell me my mom is gorgeous.
5. She feels socially awkward but doesn't realize everyone likes to be around her.
6. She has never been shy about giving me sex ed lessons or advice, thus making me comfortable enough to ask her questions whenever I needed to.
7. Nothing gets past her. She always knows who has a crush on who, who's trying to get away with what, and who's not telling the whole truth!
8. She is VERY in tune with the spirit, she's never afraid to ask for a blessing or say a prayer, and she keeps the spirit in her home. Skipping church, playing with friends or watching movies on Sunday were never even an option and we never even bothered to ask for permission. We already knew what the answer would be!
9. She used to feel so worried about people coming over to her "small, messy house", but over the years I've seen her transform into a person who, though she likes a clean house and would love a bigger kitchen, doesn't mind company and just knows how to make do with the space she has. I always LOVED having my friends over in High School.
10. She always had an "after school snack" ready for me when I got home from school.
11. She can always tell when something is wrong, just by looking at my face. I can never keep a secret from her!
12. She never takes a day off to be sick.
13. She knows how to whip up an amazing meal just from frozen hamburger, a few spices and maybe some noodles or rice. Don't ask me how... I'm still learning.
14. She has SO much faith!
15. She is tough as steel on the outside but has the gentlest heart of anyone I know.
16. She knows how to follow the guidance of the spirit. She knows when to listen and when to act. That has always set an amazing example for me.
17. She can be doing nothing and no one will be needing her at the moment, but the second she steps out of the house EVERY single person will ask in turn, "hey... do you know where mom is?"... even if we don't need her for any specific reason. It's always just a huge comfort to know she's there.
18. Wherever she goes in the house, eventually a flock of children will follow. She might leave the room to sit on the couch or on her bed, and slowly, one by one, each child will find themselves following her vibe to the same room and just sitting. Even when she asks, "did you need something?" you'll often hear the reply, "well no... I just wanted to see what was going on!"
20. She puts up with people's crap even when she knows she is not in the wrong. I would be the first to point out the other person's flaws in return and chew them out for whatever wrongs they've done to me. She, on the other hand, will turn the other cheek and apologize for whatever wrong doings she may have done or offenses she may have caused, and keep that hurt welled up inside.
21. She has never been afraid to stand up for what she believes in.
22. She knows each of her children individually
23. Sometimes she calls the dog "Graci", and Makenna "Lady".
24. She knows how to laugh at her mistakes and joke about hard situations, but take things serious when they need to serious.
25. She is a bombshell, a beauty, a candy machine, a chef, a mom, an ear, an advisor, a friend, a coach, a cheerleader, a maid, a chauffeur, a wife, a builder, an idealist, a teacher, an artist, a homework-helper, a crisis-solver, an advertiser, a role model,a constant in all of my family's lives, and the BEST MOM IN THE WORLD!

Starting a Blog

So... I wasn't planning on doing my own blog. EVERYone has been asking me when I'm going to start one and I normally roll my eyes and say "never"! But I have had a change of heart for a couple of reasons.
First, because I actually know how to do a basic blog since my sister helped me create one for my headbands. (check out fancymeaccessories.blogspot.com)
Second, because I should be keeping a journal but for the last two years I have been TERRIBLE about doing it, so I decided that since I use the computer often, it would be a sort of replacement for that.
I know that all of my married friends are going to ask me why my blog address isn't Brian and Hilary, rather than just hilaryellen, but I decided that I wanted this blog to be more that just the goings-on of the William's family. Although I'm sure there will be a whole lot info on what is going on with us, I also wanted to use this blog for random thoughts, quotes, pictures, stories, etc. I figure that Brian will not be doing many entries... if any, so it would be okay if I used only my name :)
So here goes. This blog is not specifically intended for people to read so much as for me to get out the random thoughts that are always flowing through my head! But if people do read this, I hope you enjoy!